The Gifts of 2019
It seems trite and so very ordinary to reflect on the past year on New Year’s Eve. But really, this year was unlike any other year I can remember. And I’ve lived a lot of years! There were deep betrayals, death of family, relationship difficulties in all arenas of life, big and small disappointments, and shattered dreams of all sorts. To narrate each of these events would expose many people that I still hold dear, and so, for now, I will keep it at just the broad categories of loss and pain stated above.
So where are the gifts in this mess? Let me tell you. The biggest and best gift was becoming a different, better person. I am more fully awake, more conscious, and more aware of what I think, how I feel and how I act, or don’t act. I trust myself. I trust what I know to be true. I trust my intuition, something that has been silenced and ignored for way too long! I trust what I see, and what I feel. I notice and name thoughts, feelings and actions. I’ve learned to quiet my mind, open my heart, and ground my body. Yes, ground my body. That’s another gift this year. I’ve learned to take up residence and feel more at home in my body than ever before! You know that saying, “She’s comfortable in her own skin?” I’ve heard that forever and always coveted that feeling, but didn’t know quite how to make it my reality. It’s mine now!
These gifts weren’t handed to me, they weren’t infused or magically poured into me. God’s grace filled my sails and I courageously fought for them. Facing difficult and painful situations isn’t easy. This is why most people are content to live with the status quo. At times I felt as if my very breath was violently knocked out of me and it wasn’t going to return. Other times I found my self burdened with grief so heavy, it landed me in bed for days, or sitting in my backyard staring into the sky. I am grateful for the people in my life who walked along side me in my darkness without judgement. This, too, is a gift beyond measure. Brene Brown says, “Vulnerability is the birthplace of love, belonging, joy, courage, empathy, and creativity. It is the source of hope, empathy, accountability, and authenticity. If we want greater clarity in our purpose or deeper and more meaningful spiritual lives, vulnerability is the path.” This is more than a quote to me, more than words on a page to read. This is experiential knowledge that is embodied and lived.
Along with the pain, there was also great joy! We heard the good news of our little granddaughter’s coming birth in 2020. I finished a year long spiritual Journey course through Monte Vista Chapel, and I began a new journey with the Deep Coaching Institute. (scheduled to graduate January 2020) So, great pain… great joy! (both/and) Life is filled with good and evil, the beautiful and the ugly, happiness and sadness. I’m learning to live in the tension of both, and that is the biggest gift of all.
I’m glad 2019 is drawing to an end, but I’m not sorry at all for it’s journey! As we approach 2020, I would like to leave you with a beautiful compilation of Neil Gaiman’s New Year’s Wishes. Enjoy!
“May your coming year be filled with magic and dreams and good madness. I hope you read some fine books and kiss someone who thinks you're wonderful, and don't forget to make some art -- write or draw or build or sing or live as only you can. And I hope, somewhere in the next year, you surprise yourself.
...I hope you will have a wonderful year, that you'll dream dangerously and outrageously, that you'll make something that didn't exist before you made it, that you will be loved and that you will be liked, and that you will have people to love and to like in return. And, most importantly (because I think there should be more kindness and more wisdom in the world right now), that you will, when you need to be, be wise, and that you will always be kind.
I hope that in this year to come, you make mistakes.
Because if you are making mistakes, then you are making new things, trying new things, learning, living, pushing yourself, changing yourself, changing your world. You're doing things you've never done before, and more importantly, you're Doing Something.
So that's my wish for you, and all of us, and my wish for myself. Make New Mistakes. Make glorious, amazing mistakes. Make mistakes nobody's ever made before. Don't freeze, don't stop, don't worry that it isn't good enough, or it isn't perfect, whatever it is: art, or love, or work or family or life.
Whatever it is you're scared of doing, Do it.
Make your mistakes, next year and forever.
It's a New Year and with it comes a fresh opportunity to shape our world.
So this is my wish, a wish for me as much as it is a wish for you: in the world to come, let us be brave – let us walk into the dark without fear, and step into the unknown with smiles on our faces, even if we're faking them.
And whatever happens to us, whatever we make, whatever we learn, let us take joy in it. We can find joy in the world if it's joy we're looking for, we can take joy in the act of creation.
So that is my wish for you, and for me. Bravery and joy.
Be kind to yourself in the year ahead.
Remember to forgive yourself, and to forgive others. It's too easy to be outraged these days, so much harder to change things, to reach out, to understand.
Try to make your time matter: minutes and hours and days and weeks can blow away like dead leaves, with nothing to show but time you spent not quite ever doing things, or time you spent waiting to begin.
Meet new people and talk to them. Make new things and show them to people who might enjoy them.
Hug too much. Smile too much. And, when you can, love.”
Happy New Year! May you sense God’s divine LOVE all over you!
