THANK YOU 2020!

There have been countless hardships this past year, both personal and collective. I have heard “Good riddance 2020!!!” many, many times in the last few months. We are all weary! As I reflect on the year 2020, two words arise: “resistance” and “acceptance”.

I think I can confidently say that every human alive today has in some way or another found themselves at the mercy of the pandemic and wishing it would just all go away! A repeating pattern in my reaction to hardships in general, is to resist them, not want them in my life, push back on them in hopes of easing the discomfort, erasing the pain, and ultimately, wanting control. These are all forms of resistance, and they don’t serve me well.

Resistance keeps me from living the life I want to live.

When I resist my reality, I am tense, angry, and I have a sense that life is just, well… unfair! And when I am in this condition, my body usually feels tight and contracted. I am unwilling to flow with the river of life. I am not accepting life on life’s terms. I am not accepting “what is”.  My energy is drained, and nothing seems to go the way I want it to go. Life is a bitch!

This is not a fun way to live but shifting out of resistance requires acceptance. You can’t shift what you can’t accept. So, how do I help myself relax and live in the spaciousness of acceptance?

Acceptance doesn’t usually happen before grieving your loss.

This has been a very liberating truth for me. I used to think there was something wrong with me if I couldn’t just accept and forgive “at will”. Isn’t that the “right” thing to do? If you are truly “spirit-filled” you will accept and forgive. Just like that! Black and white thinking at its finest.

I am learning that to accept life’s pain, and come to a place of forgiveness, I must first acknowledge and feel the loss. That means noticing the bodily sensations I am experiencing and allowing them to just be there without judgement or commentary.

You may feel anger. After all, anger is part of the grieving process, and you may feel a deep sadness in your heart. Tears may flow as you release your pain. If you dig a little more, you will find fear. The antidote to fear is acceptance.

When I come down out of my head and bring nourishing breath into my heart and body, I allow myself to be with the pain, and I learn that I can tolerate the discomfort. I can let go. The tension is released. I see the larger picture, the truth, and I can forgive.

It’s quite magical actually. I offer myself compassion, understanding and kindness. These are the same things I would offer a good friend. To be real, this doesn’t happen just once, and it’s done. I find myself needing to come down out of my head and into my heart and body again and again. There is no shame in that. It just means I’m human.

Acceptance doesn’t mean I agree with the situation or circumstance. It doesn’t mean I don’t acknowledge and address the unjust or unfair behavior. And it doesn’t mean that I just lay down and become a door mat. It simply means that I see and acknowledge “what is”. What is really happening here?

I suppose for me, trust is at the core of acceptance. Can I trust that life is unfolding with purpose? Am I willing to stop seeing my pain as a problem and instead see it as an opportunity or gift from God, my Higher Power, or the Universe, to assist me in waking up?

The problems of 2020 aren’t going away quickly and 2021 will have its own set of problems and painful experiences. As you venture out into the new year, may you rest in the truth that you are cared for and that you already have everything inside of you to be joyful, loving and at peace in this world. You are a beautiful and magnificent human being! Happy New Year!